I went through the steps to become an Amazon Prime seller after reading some articles on line about people reselling clearance items from Target or Walmart.  Seemed like an easy concept, buy low, sell high. After supplying Amazon with some basic information to prove who I was, I was a seller.

I picked up a few items on clearance at a local art and hobby store, added to my seller site and waited.

My husband noticed what was going on after our son started begging me not to sell the items, as Vince (our son) was hounding me to play with the toys.

I explained to my husband what I was doing with the items. The process is more time consuming than I thought- I actually don’t like shopping, even if its to resell for a profit.  And the amount of research involved to make sure you’re turning a profit is a time drain as well.

He laughed at my stressful efforts, said “Don’t we have enough?”

Why was I doing this?

Thank God, we are in a time where our bills are paid, we are fed, and can afford to get both Hulu on demand and Netflix.

I can remember times in my life where that was not the case- $10 an hour plus commission as a single mother with a mortgage and car payment found me getting very creative with how to stretch my budget.

And yet, it was enough.  My bills were paid, the car and home kept up, food on the table, and both Vince and I were extremely happy.  I hustled when I had to, and enjoyed the quiet times that came along with our time of “less than”.

I have forgotten how to be content.

I didn’t become a seller on Amazon primarily to make money.  It’s because I was not content with Who I am.

I am “just” the Mommy.

I have had many titles over the years- Manager, Artist, Airbnb Host, Account Executive, Market Manager, in addition to Wife and Mother.

After a particularly bumpy start to the year, all those have been scaled back to Mommy and Wife. There were too many illnesses, doctor appointments, and general running around that prevented me from doing anything other than Mommy or Wife.

One night, following a teary, self pity party I threw for myself, my husband reminded me that these jobs are the most important I have ever held.

So why wasn’t that enough?

There’s plenty of marketing going on now to women, in particular, to be More, do More, contribute More- Under the disguise of reaching for your own goals. If your budget and household need the extra money to survive- or to elevate your standard of living to benefit the members with a better school or neighborhood that is safer, by all means, it is necessary to put in whatever extra time and effort into securing more money for those things.

It’s another thing to feel less than because you aren’t selling enough thru social media of whatever product-of-the-month is hot.  Or if you aren’t juggling going back to school, a 40 hour a week job, and also raising 2 kids while also mopping your floors with homemade soap.

Perhaps I am being too sensitive.  But the more I read up on goal setting, and achieving more, the more disappointed in myself I become.  In protest, the more I retreat away from the noise that results in me measuring myself against a standard that has nothing to do with me.  Personal achievement, and “How to Accomplish More” has become another sales pitch to people, who like myself, feel lacking- and happily spend money on the latest book or blog to fill that gaping hole that can’t be filled in our heart.

What is Enough?

For me, at this moment, Enough must be enjoying a cup of coffee while my baby takes her over-due nap.  It will be a dinner on the table for us tonight, and a book before bed with the kids.  Right now, that is enough.

^“11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:11-13 NIV