Minimalism as a Single Mom

Today, a post on a Minimalist Facebook Group got me thinking about my time as a Single Mom.

At the time, there were some drastic changes that had to be made- I was downsized out of work due to a corporate merger, and at the same time became a single Mom to a two year old- while still managing a mortgage and car payment.

Some of the items on my list I have reinstated in life as my circumstances have changed- but I do remember that those few years as a Single Mom were some of the most stressful and joyful of any I have ever had.

Dropped cable television: I replaced with slower internet and a Netflix account so I could still job hunt and have some entertainment for my son.
Text Only Prepaid Phone: This one I sometimes wish I had stuck with. Once my income dropped, I switched to a $25 a month prepaid plan with a text only phone. It is amazing to be free of the constant notifications of email, but still just a phone call away.
Sold Items on Ebay: Once my corporate job was done, I was able to sell off a collection of gently used tech products (old phones, tablets) and ‘career wear’ clothing or purses- In one month I ‘made’ around $1100 on these items. You would be amazed what people will buy on Ebay.
Bought and Sold at Consignment Shops: The good and the bad of small children is they are constantly moving up in clothing sizes. We almost exclusively shopped at consignment stores, and I was able to sell back an amazing amount of clothing once my son outgrew them.
Donated nearly 100 Books: A splurge during those times was a book on Kon-Marie; and part of it was dealing with the volume of ‘stuff’ I had collected. Namely, my precious library. But after sorting it, I found multiple copies of books, and in the end, donated about 100 to local charity. While I didn’t have a ton of money to donate to favorite causes, I felt better being able to give back something during this time.
Dined In- Gardened Out: To save money, my dining out budget was slashed to- zero. During the summer, my son and I planted a small garden- enough to keep both of us busy and to provide fresh tomatoes, pumpkins, onion, and carrots. He enjoyed the benefits of nature and fresh air, and I saved money on fresh veggies while having quality time with him.

I have a very supportive family and circle of friends who helped me navigate all the changes in my life during that time. But even with the stress of it all, we survived and thrived- and once we were back on our feet, I could look back and be happy with all that we accomplished then.

Simplify the Season

I felt out of place yesterday at Preschool drop-off. The parents were in line waiting and discussing their gift-giving issues: namely, that Santa has left sooo many packages from Amazon, they are running out of places in the house to hide the gifts for their kids. Another Mom moaned that she hasn’t even started shopping and the lists keep growing. More complained that they will never get the gifts wrapped in time.

So much stress.

I didn’t offer my own experience this year, I stood quietly and listened, thankful that my gifts are here, and wrapped – all in a single cardboard box on my dining room table. We had 11 people to purchase for this year (more than most years). We didn’t “minimize” the gift giving- it seemed as though most gift ideas for people we were given were for food related items, or things that can be used nearly year round.

My son, who is 5, only requested a copy of Minecraft, which we did purchase for him. I also got him a set of Tinker Toys since he enjoys building things. For stocking stuffers, I got him a few new toothbrushes, some glitter glue and craft items, and a checker board from Dollar General. I think because we don’t have cable, and what tv he does watch is on Netflix, he wasn’t exposed to as many commercials for toys. His list was short and true to what he really loves.

Thanks to shorter lists, and the use of online shopping, instead of stress from rushing from store to store, desperate for the latest item, I spent more time baking cookies and building gingerbread houses with Vince. Our family spent an hour or so wrapping gifts. It has been one of the few holiday seasons I did not feel completely overwhelmed and burnt out. I was able to make memories with my son and husband that I hope to remember for a lifetime.

It’s not to say this season will be picture perfect- My husband will be working on the actual holiday. My son will be at his father’s house the entire Christmas weekend. My parents are over an hour away, and my sister and brother in law will be working and live out of town as well. We have real logistical issues for even celebrating together this season.

Had I faced that, and also the stress of crazy shopping, I would not be able to calmly sit and enjoy what time we do have together– And the time we spend together is the most precious gift I’ve been given this year.

Smashed

I was decorating with some handmade coffee cups and was reminded of a lesson I learned while making them. I had spent the summer at an art camp in Erie Pennsylvania, and was a little bitter that instead of getting to paint all day, my concentration was ceramics.

Part of this was that I wasn’t good at it- anyone who has tried to center clay on a potter’s wheel can attest that it is a hard learned skill. I have a habit of giving up on tasks that I can’t master in the first or second try; and this class tested my patience at all levels. There are more steps to creating a simple vase than one can image- You must spend time kneading all the air bubbles out of your lump of clay. Then after arm numbing kneading, you attempt to throw the lump of clay at a spinning wheel, aiming for as close to center as possible and with enough force that you ensure there is no air pocket separating that clay from the metal, wet wheel.

Back to the grind, you then use your upper body strength to force the clay down and in on itself; one move the wrong way, and the clay may fly off the wheel, or go off center, and your clay needs to be removed, re-kneaded, and thrown again.

Back at the wheel, if you are successful, and have “pulled” the clay upwards in a semblance of a vase shape, there is the cleaning of the excess clay, and removing the spinning vase from the wheel by using a steel wire.

That’s just the throwing. That’s nothing of the hours of drying; ‘firing’ in the kiln; glazing; re-firing; praying- and maybe, just maybe, that lump of clay has become a fine piece of art. The process, start to finish, can take days- sometimes weeks depending on the drying times involved.

After all that- My Professor then had us smash the pieces.

I fail to find the words to fully express the sickening feeling of watching my own work destroyed beneath a hammer swung by my own hand. The hours, the frustration of the process, the joy at seeing the work finally finished- gone- back to the dust that it had come from originally.

What did I learn? Don’t be afraid to lose everything you work for. Don’t be afraid to start over. Don’t get too attached to material things- they can all be lost in a moment, and you will need to be able to move on. There is always more art to be made in this life.