In the end

What will matter to you the most if you are so lucky to live a long life, and must end it slowly- seeing the end approaching, and having time to understand what you face.  As you breathe thru tubes supplying your oxygen, what will you think of?

The career you fought so hard to maintain.  The hours spent on email or Facebook?  The promotions earned. The hours of commuting. Long lines at the store. Long nights spent working excel sheets?  

I hope to remember the sound of water gurgling by and the birds singing in the evening.  I wish to remember cooking breakfast for my son; and his little arms around me as I carry him to bed at night.  I would like to think of the sunshine on my face as we are outside in our back yard.  I hope I remember the cold wind and snow blowing against me as I hunted with my Dad and Grandfather many years ago.  

I want more time for memories like this, and less time upset about work.  And the decision and choices to carve out this time are entirely in my hands- I only need to let go of some material possessions that require money thrown at them just to own it.   That choice is so much more difficult to make than I realized, especially when everyone around you is chasing the American Dream. 

I can see the end, I watch it coming even now and wonder what regrets I will carry.  

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